A Day in the Life of Andy Ihnatko
The following were tweets by Andy Ihnatko
(ignore the time stamps)
That does it. Decided that the reason why this problem continues is because nobody speaks up. Have Pricelined an AM flight to San Francisco.
Overslept…****!!!! Flight is at 5:50, with luck I can drive straight to the airport and still make it…Tweeting shall be sporadic…
Touchdown in SF. Lots to do, not much time to do it before my flight home tonight! about 8 hours ago from web
My Beatle impersonator finally shows up at the airport lounge…and it’s *Ringo* g-dammit. What bloody use is a RINGO impersonator? about 7 hours ago from web
At Hertz. They’re out of Sables but have upgraded me to an Escalade. Cool beans! about 7 hours ago from web
These Escalades perform terribly in SF. Hippies keep throwing themselves in front of the car and waving banners. This is getting an-NOY-ing. about 6 hours ago from web
Oh, there’s a green button on the Escalade’s dash that deploys a Counter-Hippie Snowplow. Cool. I’m not even slowing down for them anymore. about 6 hours ago from web
“Ringo” will not stop humming “Yellow Submarine.” I’d hit him, but he’s driving. about 6 hours ago from web
“Ringo” has agreed to stop humming. Phew. about 6 hours ago from web
“Ringo” is now singing “Octopus’ Garden.” This trip is not going well. about 6 hours ago from web
Either this in-car GPS is crap, or Apple has dropped out of the tech business and transitioned to Chic-Fil-A franchising. Damn and blast. about 5 hours ago from web
Finally arrived at Apple campus. Lucked out: two open handicapped spaces right by the entrance with plenty of room for Escalade. Score!!! about 4 hours ago from web
This is totally going to work: am in outer office, telling Steve Jobs’ secretary that the Beatles are finally ready to close the iTunes deal about 4 hours ago from web
“Ringo” refuses to pretend to be Paul McCartney, as a matter of professional pride. Did _not_ get in to see Jobs. Need a plan B. about 3 hours ago from web
Sorry, I mean a “Plan B(a).” Plan B is to whap the Ringo impersonator repeatedly with his own “Hard Day’s Night” watch cap. about 3 hours ago from web
…And to top things off, some *****le has keyed the Escalade. Nice. Well, the $8 rider means I can roll the damn thing and not pay a penny. about 3 hours ago from web
Wait…it’s a rental, and I have full coverage against all damage for $8. I _think_ I have an idea… about 3 hours ago from web
..Circling parking lot on Apple campus, looking for Steve Jobs’ car…circling… about 3 hours ago from web
Have come across a big yellow pickup truck done up as a perfect replica of the “P***y Wagon” from “Kill Bill.” This MUST be Steve Jobs’ car. about 3 hours ago from web
Lowered the snowplow. Made sure that “Ringo” is belted in. I’ve picked my line, building RPMs, ready to drop clutch. Godspeed, John Glenn… about 3 hours ago from web
Man, that has to rate as one of the top-5 airbag deployments I’ve ever experienced. “Ringo” lost his fake mustache in airbag, otherwise OK. about 3 hours ago from web
Awesome, here comes Apple Security. Will really act mortified and insist on swapping insurance cards with Mr. Jobs personally to apologize. about 3 hours ago from web
Okay, it turns out that the “P***y Wagon” ISN’T Steve Jobs’ ride. The Newton Messagepad lightbulb bumper sticker should have tipped me off. about 3 hours ago from web
Owner of the “P***y Wagon” has turned up in a big hurry, was reading my Tweets. I’m sure he’ll see the humor in this. about 2 hours ago from web
Okay, @stattenf has failed to see the humor in this. about 2 hours ago from web
Crap, @stattenf punched “Ringo” right in the nose. Actually, the swelling has really enhanced the resemblance. about 2 hours ago from web
@stattenf shouted something before they tased him: “Steve’s at PIXAR today, you idiot!!” Yeah, he’s biting his own tongue and I’m the idiot! about 2 hours ago from web in reply to stattenf
Apple Security was so grateful for a chance to finally play with the new iTasers that they’re just letting me and “Ringo” drive off. Cool. about 2 hours ago from web
(Didn’t get a photo of the iTaser but it has an iPod-style dock connector, so I bet it supports FairPlay content, ironically enough.) about 2 hours ago from web
(But just wait…Doctorow will be more upset about the iTaser’s digital rights management support than its of human rights violations…) about 2 hours ago from web
Now on the 280, headed for the Bay Bridge & Emeryville. Stopped to get a bag of frozen peas for “Ringo”’s nose. New subtle & cunning plan… about 1 hour ago from web
On the bridge. “Ringo” is singing “Act Naturally.” Am not stopping him; the deviated septum really does make him sound like Ringo Starr now. about 1 hour ago from web
Getting punched in the face might be the best career move “Ringo” ever made. Just like the real Ringo. about 1 hour ago from web
What fresh hell is this…being pulled over by the CHP. about 1 hour ago from web
Actually, I can use this. Briefing “Ringo” while the cop runs the Escalade’s tags. about 1 hour ago from web
Now headed to Emeryville at 90 MPH under police escort. That nice trooper wants to make sure that “Mr. Starr” makes it to Pixar on time. … … about 1 hour ago from web
A guy who looks a lot like Ringo Starr + black Escalade + police escort = Pixar gate guard waves us right thru to VIP parking. Excellent… 29 minutes ago from web
VIP Space #1 is occupied by a perfect replica of the Banana Splits Banana Buggy. Of course…now _that’s_ Steve Jobs’ ride, for sure. 21 minutes ago from web
John Lasseter meets us at entrance…VERY thrilled that “Mr. Starr” is interested in voicing a character in Disney/Pixar’s “Cthulhu, Ahoy!” 19 minutes ago from web
“Ringo” is flashing the peace sign and saying only “We’re all here for some fun, innit?” as coached. Animators & directors eating it up. 11 minutes ago from web
(Good thing I didn’t pay “Ringo” in advance. If he wants his $90, he’ll stick to the game plan.) 4 minutes ago from web
And he appeared. “Ringo” flashed the peace sign at Steve, smiled, gestured towards me, nervously. I suggested we relocate to his office. 27 minutes ago from web
(Now in private elevator. I can Tweet from here because I’m praising the iPhone’s webapps. Thank God I didn’t take my Jailbroke iPhone…) 26 minutes ago from web
Steve has left me alone in his private office. There’s a lot more IKEA stuff in here than I would have guessed. Should probably be rifling. 18 minutes ago from web
“Ringo” just sort of wilted and excused himself leaving me to get to the point of the trip: “Steve, why does iPhoto suck so _bad?_” I asked. 17 minutes ago from web
(continued on this tack for a few minutes). Steve smiled and told me that he had no intention of fixing iPhoto. 16 minutes ago from web
…Because in 2011, nobody would ever take another photo ever again. Odd way to get out of making software updates. 15 minutes ago from web
He excused himself to go get a prototype of something he wants to show me. 15 minutes ago from web
(PHENONEMAL pile of 8-tracks behind Steve’s desk. I mean, what’s up with that, man? Mostly Foghat, America, Poco…whoops, here he comes.) 13 minutes ago from web
sj rtns w/smll orng glass ball w/1 wht LED & ap lgo. am typn w hnd undr dsk s sj cant c it… 9 minutes ago from web
omfg. 
14 minutes ago from web
Have just signed an NDA that was so big that I initially assumed it was a load-bearing wall. 2 minutes ago from web Icon_star_empty
Am about to get vegetarian sushi with my new close personal friend, Steve Jobs. None of this happened. Just an April Fool’s joke.
